Every day you are dragging yourself off the bed to go about the day. Excitement, fun, joy have somehow disappeared from life.
You are not depressed but you are not happy either. It just feels like you are floating through this dimension – aimless and meaningless.
Your situation is bad. Or maybe worse.
There are no visible signs of things getting better anytime soon.
And then you hear someone say, ‘You should be grateful for the life you have. It will make you feel happy and boost your mood.’
You read online that you should be grateful about the small things – access to internet, clean water, healthy food etc.
When someone drops this banger – there are other people out there who’s living a life worse than yours – that’s when you start losing your mind. You feel like your struggles are discounted and downplayed.
You just can’t think of anything to be grateful for and give up on gratitude.
I am not grateful for anything
I have had the exact feeling too.
I was stuck in a toxic job. Whenever my salary got credited it felt like it was a remuneration for sacrificing my self-esteem and self-respect.
I knew the importance of gratitude so I tried it.
You know the one which is common on the internet.
It’s early morning. You wake up, freshen up, make a cup of coffee, open your journal, and start writing three things you’re grateful for.
And if you can’t think of anything meaningful, the advice is to start small. Be grateful for the internet, for clothes, for your bed.
That version of gratitude never worked for me.
Honestly, it felt so fake. I felt I was discounting my own struggles.
If you have ever felt this way, you are not an ungrateful brat or a bad person. It just means you are human.
Also, it doesn’t mean gratitude isn’t for you.
What does practicing gratitude really feel like?
Before we even go into how to practice gratitude, I think it’s important to be clear about this.
Because when I was trying to practice gratitude, I was expecting to be happier and be in a better mood and whatever the internet says it does. But it didn’t work for me.
I had a very cinematic view about it.
I would be calm and peaceful because I wrote three things to be grateful for. Suddenly, I will have profound appreciation for the small things.
Turned out I was expecting something from being grateful. I was expecting the flood gates of happiness to burst open. I wanted to feel that everything is fine.
Here is what I understood – gratitude isn’t here to make your life magical. It doesn’t do it.
Sometimes gratitude helps to take your life just one step above miserable. That’s it. Maybe it makes life just bearable.
It might be the straw that will help you hold on to yourself, stop you from falling into depths of despair.
That’s great too. It might not be awesome but that’s something.
The purpose of gratitude isn’t to make you happy. It’s to make you joyful and that is a deeper emotion than happiness.
You could be in any phase of life and still be joyful while acknowledging that your life is a mess.
Practicing gratitude doesn’t have to feel so fake. Your struggles still matter. Gratitude just gives you something to hold onto while you’re in them.
So don’t give up on gratitude yet.
I am sharing some of the ways I personally practice gratitude when life is miserable.
5 Ways to practice gratitude when your life is miserable
1. The Still List
Yes, it’s about making a list. But it’s not the traditional one – write a list of 3 things you are grateful for.
This list is about those things that are still in your life. Your struggles have taken the limelight in your life so you have forgotten about it.
And, that’s ok.
Here’s how to do it:
You start by acknowledging the mess. This makes sure that you are not ignoring your struggles or problems. Then see what is the one good thing that is still present that is silently helping you deal with it.
You could make this list in your journal or in your phone’s notes app. Digital or analog – your choice.
Example:
- I am unemployed right now but I still have friends that’s helping me get through this.
- I am in a tough situation right now but still I haven’t given up on myself.
- My boss is draining my energy but I still have a colleague that’s helping me make this bearable.
Why I love this method!
I have always felt that the traditional three things to be grateful for method helped people who are in a good or better place in life.
It’s like healthy people doing exercise to stay healthy.
Just like that gratitude practice is something that’s going to help them stay positive.
For people struggling in life, I don’t believe this method works.
It’s like you scraped your knee but first aid is being done for your elbow.
I’ve always felt the regular method was like gaslighting the whole messy life situation.
This method makes gratitude practice real and truthful. You are acknowledging the mess and the good thing that is present in it.
2. Gratitude Practice Without Journaling
I will admit it there are days when opening a notebook is a struggle on its own. So, can’t even imagine writing down anything right.
Well, I have got you. So here are few methods you can use to practice gratitude without journaling on such days are:
a. Voice notes:
Voice notes: Quick, easy and convenient. Instead of writing, just say out loud the still list and record it. It’s even better when you hear it.
b. Mental lists in the shower:
The only place you can have absolute privacy is when you are taking a shower. You could do the still list while you are showering too.
I know it’s sounds so awkward.
Don’t think of it as gratitude practice. Instead think of it like switching negative thoughts with positive ones.
c. Gratitude walks:
This is common on the internet. But it’s genuinely helpful so give it a try.
Getting any type of movement in a day is super beneficial. How about taking the time to walk even more useful by combining it with gratitude practice.
Consciously appreciate the small things around you. It could be the joy you feel when a baby smiles at you, the cool breeze that plays with your hair, the colorful hues that is painting the sky at sunset.
Be in the present, turn your focus onto your senses, your surroundings – it’s going to be difficult in the beginning but it’s worth it.
3. Anchor Moments in the Day
Gratitude practice doesn’t need to be restricted to a particular time of the day. You could do it throughout the day. It will actually help you get through a messy day easier.
Take out few moments during the day to anchor yourself to the present, to turn your focus on the small but significant things that is still present in your life.
It could be done like this:
a. Morning: Think out loud about one thing you’re glad that exists
Example: I am glad that earphones exist. It helps me to cut off the whole world.
b. Afternoon: Think out loud one thing that is going good – not great or perfect, just good.
Example: I am given a difficult project but at least it’s going according to the schedule.
c. Night: Think out loud one thing that didn’t go wrong today.
Example: The meeting could have gone bad but the colleagues were surprisingly co-operative.
These micro seconds of anchoring breaks the chain of negative thoughts. It helps you notice the small things that makes life slightly better.
4. Grateful for Yourself
How often have you been grateful for yourself? For your efforts, for trying, stumbling, learning, failing, succeeding and so on?
Almost never would you have thought to be grateful for yourself, isn’t it? Whenever you were asked to make a gratitude list, it might have never crossed your mind.
We take ourselves for granted and it is something that isn’t talked about enough. Your efforts are the result where you are in life.
The outcome might not be as great as what you had expected but the efforts shouldn’t be robbed off its credit.
On tough days when you can’t think of anything to be grateful for, take out the time to be grateful for yourself.
Appreciate yourself for your journey, for your resilience, for moving forward no matter how slowly or unsteadily. Appreciate your efforts and not the results. Be grateful for your spirit, for trying.
5. I Got Through Today and I am Grateful For That
When you can’t do any of the above, when your day has been a disaster, this is the best thing to do – be grateful that this day is over and you got through it.
Maybe broken, maybe messed up, whatever it is, the day is over. Maybe you got through the day barely alive but its over.
No matter what you say to yourself – I got through today and I am grateful for that.
It sounds silly but it’s very liberating. The moment you think this out loud you can feel the heaviness in your chest disappearing.
If you don’t do this that heaviness is going to weigh you down and spill over to the next day.
But with this simple way you can stop this feeling to turn into a cascade of negative thoughts.
Conclusion
None of these methods are going to make you visibly happy.
If it’s not going to make me happy then what’s the point of all this – if you are thinking this it’s not wrong.
When you start regularly practicing gratitude you will start feeling a little bit relaxed, a little bit easy. You will find the strength to walk through this mess even if you are alone.
You will become that person who stays calm even when the ground beneath them is shaking.
Not because you are a monk.
It’s because you have learnt to acknowledge that you are standing fine even if the ground is shaking.
And this will genuinely make a huge impact in your life – only if you make this a regular practice.
I hope these methods will help you embrace your messy life more joyfully and help you in your practice of gratitude.
If you want to check out the regular methods of gratitude practice I have written two post about it too (written when my life wasn’t acting up or wasn’t messy)
1. 4 Easy and Powerful Ways to Practice Gratitude Daily
2. 30 Day Gratitude Challenge to Become Positive and Happy
You might also like:
➡️170 Simple Things to be Grateful for in Life
➡️30 Gratitude Journal Prompts to Discover the Power of Gratitude
➡️30 Powerful Gratitude Quotes That’ll Inspire You to Practice Gratitude
Leave a Reply