“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.” -Robert Morely
Have you ever felt that you are stuck in a dark place where you cannot seem to love yourself? No matter what you do it just feels impossible to practice self-love.
You know that you have to be more loving and caring towards yourself but are unable to do so. For whatever reason, it just seems difficult to practice self-love.
Well, just for a second imagine a life in which you are happy and is showering yourself with love, care, and respect. How did it feel?
Before you go back to your old feelings, I am here to tell you that it is possible to love yourself, no matter how hard it seems.
Yes, you can! In this post, I am sharing 15 important steps that you have to take so that you can love yourself unconditionally and unapologetically.
But before we dive into this in detail I would like to bust some myths around self-love. It will help you to understand what self-love is more vividly.
How often have you said yes when you actually wanted to say no. Maybe you said yes to going out for dinner with friends when all you wanted to do is cozy up under your blanket and sip hot coffee because you didn’t want to be SELFISH and RUDE.
We are conditioned by this society and people around us that prioritizing our needs is selfish. How many times have you felt guilty for saying no to someone? It doesn’t feel so good when you turn down someone, isn’t it? It is natural that you feel so because that is what you and I have been taught since childhood.
No matter how many times you have heard that self-love is selfish, no matter who has told you this, always remember that you deserve to be loved by yourself. Even if it means saying no to others.
It’s not that one day you decide to start loving yourself and everything changes overnight. No, self-love doesn’t work that way.
Self-love is a process. It takes time. It varies from person to person.
Accepting your flaws and imperfections can be challenging. And it will definitely take effort and time to accept your flaws.
We are often told by society that flaws and imperfections aren’t acceptable. But remember flaws are what make you unique and different.
So, the bottom line is that self-love definitely won’t happen overnight, and that is how it is.
Loving yourself can be difficult for some people. It might be emotionally challenging to heal yourself. Forgiving yourself for your past mistakes is also not an easy task.
Now you know why self-love can be difficult. So if you need to take few steps back in the process or need to ask for help from your loved ones, don’t stop yourself from it.
That is so not true!
Self-love is for everyone.
Just imagine for a second living your life in harmony with yourself. That means showering yourself with love, showing yourself compassion, and taking care of yourself without feeling guilty for doing these. Won’t it be amazing!
If you want to live an amazing and peaceful life, it starts with self-love practice. It starts with YOU.
Yes, you guessed it right! It is a myth.
This post by LifeHack explains perfectly the difference between self-love and narcissism.
Oh no! Self-love means that you are allowing yourself to experience all emotions whether positive or negative. It means that you are at peace with all your feelings.
Don’t be under the wrong impression that if you practice self-love means you will be happy all the time. You definitely have good, great, bad, and horrible days. Self-love will help you to move forward through difficult times without being harsh towards yourself.
Okay! Now that we have busted the myths surrounding self-love we can move forward to answer the next question which is,
I find it difficult to define self-love in a sentence. It is because self-love has different components and all of them are equally important.
Self-love is :
Forgiving yourself for all the mistakes you have done
Prioritizing your happiness & peace of mind
Taking help whenever needed to overcome any difficulties you are facing
Taking care of your needs instead of doing things to make others happy
Getting to know yourself – your strength & weaknesses
Respecting yourself and not settling for anything less than you deserve
Taking good care of your body, mind, and soul
Developing yourself to become the best version of yourself
Appreciating yourself for your achievements & success
Being aware and accepting negative feelings
Talking to yourself with love, respect & empathy
I am pretty sure that you’ve heard everyone discussing about practicing self-love. Do you know why is it so important? What are the benefits of self-love? Let’s find out!
What will happen when you know who you are, what you want, and what makes you happy? You will start making better choices. All the decisions that you take will be fully aligned with your deep self.
And what is the benefit of that? You will experience genuine long-lasting happiness!
Happiness, which will last more than getting thousands of like for a social media post or going for a party because you are supposed to go.
Now you know what you should do to experience happiness in its truest form – practice self-love!
When you stop doing things which you are supposed to do and finally start doing things for your own happiness, you will experience much more satisfaction in life.
It can be as simple as staying at home instead of going to a party or as big as quitting the job which you hate so much. Taking these decisions will give you immense satisfaction and in turn, will make you happier.
When you practice self-love, you will start making conscious decisions and choices which will help you to go where you want in life. And this will help you to be in charge of your life.
You will be in the driver’s seat of your life.
And what is the benefit of that? That’s our next point.
Yes, you will experience less stress in life.
It is obvious that when you are in charge of your life by making choices for your greater good, the stress level in your life will come down.
You will start to realize that you can avoid a lot of situations, things, and people which is causing you stress and unhappiness.
Once you start understanding your emotions and imperfections and treat yourself with love, respect, and kindness, magic unfolds.
You will start to treat others the way you treat yourself. And this will help in building meaningful relationships with others and you become a better human being.
Are you overly accessible to other people? Do you always say yes to everything everyone asks? Have you been feeling that other people get their things done by using you?
If you can relate to this, then this means that you haven’t set clear boundaries for yourself.
Most of us are guilty of this. It’s because we have been taught from our childhood that it is rude to say no to someone.
No matter who says what, if you feel that you are getting physically and emotionally exhausted because you are always available to others, then it’s time that you set your boundaries.
Clear, well-defined boundaries.
How do you do that?
Start saying no, when you want to say no.
Without the feeling of guilt or awkwardness. Say no.
Don’t feel like going for dinner with friends? Say no. If they are your true friends they will respect and value your decision.
When you set boundaries it means that you are respecting yourself. And that is extremely important for self-love.
How many times have you compared yourself to others? It can be your friends, colleagues, cousins or even celebrities.
Always remember that you are unique and different from others. And everyone has their own struggles and success.
It doesn’t matter if your friends or colleagues are more successful or have a better life than you. Just by seeing the end result of your friends or colleague’s journey don’t judge or compare your life to theirs.
Accept your situation in your life right now and then try to move forward and succeed in life.
Do you want a better job than what you have right now? Instead of comparing yourself with others who have a better job than yours, you should take the necessary steps and help required to achieve your dream job.
Stop comparing and focus on your journey because it is unique and you can decide the course of this journey.
In today’s world, everyone has an opinion about everything. Likewise, almost everyone you meet will give you their opinions of what is right and wrong for you or what you should do in your life.
It is not wrong to ask other people’s opinions. But when you make decisions solely according to other people’s opinion then that can turn disastrous for you.
It means that you are not doing what you want to do in life. If you feel like you are doing everything in life according to other people’s opinions then its time that you speak for yourself.
Are you coaching for basketball but you want to learn acting? Are you doing this because you are worried about other people’s opinion?
Don’t get lost in life because you are worried about what the society will think of you if you follow and pursue your passion.
Never allow other people’s opinions to decide your course of life.
We are all humans. And humans beings make mistakes. It is natural and it’s totally fine, my dear.
Did you make mistakes? It is okay. Try to learn from your mistakes and move forward. Don’t be too hard and harsh on yourself for doing things wrong.
All of us mess up from time to time. Cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself when you make mistakes.
I am not beautiful, I am not worthy, I am stupid, Do you talk to yourself like this?
If so, it is high time that you stop the negative self-talk.
Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Replace the negative self talk with positive ones.
For example: Change I am not worthy to I am worthy, I am stupid to I am smart and so on.
Will you talk rudely to your loved ones? It’s a 100% no, isn’t it? Then why should you talk to yourself with such negativity?
So, from today promise yourself that you will talk to yourself like how you talk to your loved ones, with love, respect, and empathy.
“Beauty is how you feel inside and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical” – Sophia Loren
Memorize this. Write it down where you see it all the time.
Remember, that no matter how you look, your looks don’t define you. Your value lies inside of you.
If you don’t have the ideal body shape or texture of the skin or whatever, don’t bother about it. The bottom line is you should be healthy and happy in your own skin.
It’s time that you include yourself in your priority list. Start allotting time for yourself, do those things you always wanted to do but are afraid of doing.
You should begin to prioritize your happiness and comfort just like how you do it for others.
Don’t run away from negative emotions. Your emotions will chase you and knock you down at some point in time. And that isn’t a great feeling.
What you can do the best is that you allow yourself to feel those feelings. Tell yourself that it is okay to feel angry, stressed, mad, or frustrated. Once you have accepted your feelings try to take the necessary steps that will make you feel better.
Always remember until and unless you don’t allow yourself to feel all the emotions, you can not take necessary actions to feel better and happy again.
Have you set limitations on yourself? Are you living your life inside your comfort zone because you are too scared to step out of it?
If so, dare yourself to free yourself from the limitations you have set for yourself! And then you will discover yourself. You will start to understand more about yourself. If you don’t try new things how will you know what are the things you like and what you don’t?
Break yourself free from the wall of limitations you have built around you and feel the magic!
When is the last time you did something for yourself? It can be cooking your favorite food or going on a coffee date all by yourself.
Do things that you love to do more often. Spare time for self-care. Make it a part of your daily routine.
Pamper yourself ! Show appreciation towards yourself for surviving in this materialistic world without losing your mind!
Related Posts : 20 Self Care Ideas for Your Overall Well Being
Do not let the inner critic take control of your life.
The voice inside your head might be trying to protect you from possible failures or embarrassments. But over-protection has its own downsides.
Do not believe everything that the voice inside yours tells you.
Try to analyze both sides of a situation and then make a decision. Most of the time taking calculated risks will help you to live the life you always wanted to live.
So next time the voice inside of yours is telling you anything negative, make sure that you actively stop it from taking control of you.
Toxic people are everywhere – they can be your neighbors or your colleagues. So what should you do with these people? It is not always possible to stay away from them. You like it or not like it – they will always be there.
What can you do? Limit their access into your life. Keep them at a safe distance. Interact with them only when it is unavoidable or necessary to do so. In short keep a hi-bye relationship.
Try to stay away as much as possible from the toxic people. If you feel that you are involving too much with a toxic person, then take the necessary steps to walk away from such people. It’s important for your own sanity.
Just as you will keep toxic people away from your loved one’s life, keep such people away, far far away from your life too.
In general, it is considered that taking help is a sign of weakness. Many of us have a belief that asking for help means that others will judge me for my weakness.
That is so not true!
Asking for help is a sign of strength and courage. It means that you want to move forward in life or want to find a solution for a problem before it becomes a big mess. It is good.
Asking for help means that you are experiencing limitations which is normal. We are human beings and we all have our limitations and difficulties.
It doesn’t matter if you need professional help or help from your loved ones, all you have to do is just reach out. And you will recognize that there is a sea of people out there who will be willing to help you in your journey of life. Just make sure that you reach out to the appropriate person and everything else will fall into place.
Stuck in a problem – take help.
Do you know who you are? Are you aware of your strengths and weaknesses? What makes you happy or sad?
You must know the answer to these questions. I cannot emphasize this enough.
It is so important that you know who you are so that you can live your life according to your terms and conditions.
It is quite unlikely that anyone will guide us or ask us to find ourselves. We are all expected to follow what others are doing – it can be a 9 to 4 job, or taking a course which is what other’s are taking in general. The list can go on and on.
But is that what you want to do? And how will you know the answer to this – by knowing who you are, what you want.
One of the best way to find out who you are is through journaling. Journaling is a great way to make sense of everything that is going in your mind and going on in your life.
Related Posts : How to Journal Effectively – A Beginner’s Guide
If you want to love yourself and want to make decisions for your ultimate good and happiness make sure that you know who you are. This is fundamental and important for the practice of self-love.
ME time is a block of time you allot for yourself. It doesn’t mean that you have to spend hours with yourself in a day. Most of us don’t have the luxury to spare hours for ourselves because of the demanding life of this modern world. So what should you do?
It can be as little as 5 minutes of the day, but make sure that you spend at least that amount of time with yourself, for yourself.
Be unapologetic when you say that this is my ME time and I want to be alone.
Learn to be comfortable spending time with yourself.
Phew! That was long!
Be proud that you have decided to practice self-love. That is why you have landed in this small corner of the online world, isn’t it?!
Now that you have decided to start your self-love journey don’t let this list intimidate you.
I know it is too much information to take it in. That’s okay. Take your time to make sense of everything that is in this post.
Take it slow by taking one step at a time. For example, maybe you want to start by knowing who you are or by keeping toxic people away from you. Once you feel that you have mastered that area completely, move ahead to the next. And so on.
Always remember that you have your own journey and it is a process. And you should never rush through it. Take it slow and steady as making these changes might make you uncomfortable. At those moments remind yourself that this is for my ultimate good and move forward.
So, in a nutshell, the key points to remember are :
I hope this post has encouraged you to practice self-love, to be kind and caring towards yourself. I am so happy that this post has reached you and hope that you are ready and excited to love yourself and feel the magic it brings to you! Self-love is so satisfying, great, and beautiful!
Now, it is your turn to love yourself today and forever!